Chapter 1
I stand outside in the light drizzle of rain and watch four men set the black coffin above the hole in the ground where my mother is to be placed to sleep peacefully forever. I don’t believe in a heaven or a hell, but my mother did and she always tried to get me to see things her way. It never worked, now I regret that I didn’t at least try to see it her way. We were always fighting about it, mainly on Sundays when she tried to force me to go to church. It would always start when she came into my room and gently shook me awake. Then she would hand me one of the few dresses I had in my closet and tell me to put it on. Whenever I asked where we were going she would wait until after I was dressed and almost ready to go when she would say, “We are going to church.” Immediately I would start taking off my dress and yell saying, “I’ve said this a hundred times, I’M NOT GOING TO CHURCH!!” Then the argument would ensue.
It’s always been that way…most times she would walk out of the house crying and go driving for a couple of hours…that’s what happened this time, only she didn’t come back, instead a drunk driver hit her causing her to flip into a ravine and get washed down the river for a couple of miles until she hit a tree. I thought this time she needed a little more time to cool off but when she didn’t come back after another hour; I went out looking for her. I knew her usual “cool-off” route, so I followed it. When I got near the ravine I could see police cars and ambulances and fire trucks, so I decided to stop. I got out of my car and went to ask one of the officers what had happened. He said a drunk driver hit a light blue car causing it to flip into the ravine. I asked if they knew who it was that got hit. He told me that they were still looking for an ID. I asked what kind of car it was he said a light blue Volvo S80. My mom may have been a pediatrician, but she wouldn’t ever buy a car that expensive. Then I remembered that she was borrowing her brothers car because her car in the shop. It was a blue Volvo.
I panicked and said that it was my mother that had been hit. The officer tried to calm me down as I started yelling for them to find my mother. I ran to the edge of the bridge, that’s when I saw her car leaning against a tree. I pointed at it and the officer called for the rescue crew…
That’s why I’m here now. She never made it to the hospital. It’s ironic that this is the first time I’ve been to church since I was 9…here without my mother, wearing her favorite dress, mourning her death.
When the ceremony is over I walk away from her grave silently crying wishing that we hadn’t argued. As I get into my car, my Uncle and his wife meet me there.
“We’ll drive you home sweetheart, you don’t seem to be in the best mood to drive, besides it’s a little rainy out,” my aunt says sweetly.
“No, its fine Aunt Emily, I want to drive, I need some time alone, I’ll meet you at the house, okay?” I ask sadly.
“Sure honey,” she replies. I get into my car and turn the key. I drive down the road toward the house in silence, thinking about past events. It’s my stupid fault. If I would just have pleased her and went to church this never would have happened. Why was I so stupid? Why didn’t I try to stop her from leaving? Why couldn’t I have gone to church with her just this once?
I pull into the driveway of the house my mother and I shared since dad left. He left when I was barely a year old. It has always just been the two of us. He left my mother because he didn’t want a kid. So we moved to Washington so she could be near her brother, to help get back on her feet. Uncle Charles has always been there for us. Well…mainly me, mostly because I had broken something playing too rough with my friends. He would rush over as soon as my mother called him crying telling him I broke a leg or something. He was a medical doctor, so it wasn’t much of a big deal for him, and would always put me in a splint and send me off to play again, and then go comfort my mother. Mom would always cry for me when I broke something, I would mainly just sit there trying to get her to calm down and tell her I was fine, even if my arm was lying at an unnatural angle.
I slowly walk into the house and look around. In the living room by the couch is my suitcase. My mother made it so that if anything happened to her, I would live with Uncle Charles, not that I minded, he already was like a father to me. I climb the stairs to my bedroom to make sure I have everything. I enter my room quietly, and start to change out of my funeral dress and into a pair of jeans a t-shirt and a hoodie, then sit on my bed and break down crying.
“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?!” I scream at the ceiling of my room, “IF YOU EXIST, HOW COULD YOU LET SOMEONE SO SWEET AND CARING DIE, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE?!” I start sobbing loudly. Then I hear someone pull up in the yard, I stand up and look out my window and see my uncle and aunt walk toward the house. I wipe my eyes quickly and run down the hall, grabbing my ipod from my nightstand on the way out of my room. As I pass my mom’s room I stop and look inside. All her stuff is still there, just like she left it. On her bed is her bible. I walk into her bedroom and pick up the small blue bible she always had with her. She even took it with her when she went to the store; she always said that it kept her safe. I start crying again. She didn’t take it with her. That’s why she wrecked. She forgot that she took it out the Wednesday before to take her car to the shop.
“Elizabeth, honey, are you ready to go?” I hear Aunt Emily call from the bottom of the stairs. I slip the small bible into my hoodie pocket and wipe the tears from my face.
“Yes, Aunt Emily, I’ll be down in a minute,” I answer. I leave my mother’s room and head down the stairs. I go into the living room and grab my suitcase and head back upstairs.
“Where are you going honey?” Aunt Emily asks.
“There are a few things I forgot to pack, I’m just going to go get them,” I answer quietly.
“Okay, how about I go with you,” Uncle Charles says. I nod and he follows me up the stairs.
“Elizabeth, are you okay?” he asks gently. I shrug.
“I don’t know, I’m not exactly happy,” I answer back sadly.
“I’m sorry, I know you miss your mother, I miss her too, you don’t need to blame yourself for what happened, there was nothing you could’ve done,” he tells me for the hundredth time.
“How do you know there was nothing I could have done, I’m the reason she went out driving in the first place, I didn’t want to listen to her, I didn’t want to do what she wanted me, it’s all my fault she’s dead,” I say angrily, “I could have told her not to go, or I could have just went to church with her, I should have went to church with her, then none of this would have happened, IT IS ALL MY FAULT!”
I fall to my knees and start crying loudly. Charles kneels down beside me and pulls me into a hug and holds me there, letting me cry. After a few minutes Emily comes up the stairs and grabs my suitcase and takes it to my room and starts packing all the clothes left in the dresser in my room. I eventually stop crying and I stand up and walk into my mother’s room, grab her books off their self and take them to Emily.
“I want to keep these,” I tell her and put them in my suitcase with the rest of my stuff. “I’m ready to leave now.” Emily nods and follows me out of the room. I walk outside and start walking to my car.
“We’ll come back and get your car later, you’re not in any shape to drive,” Emily says and takes my keys and puts them in her pocket. I get in their car, pull out my ipod and drown in my music.
“Elizabeth?”
“Elizabeth, honey?”
“Hm?” I ask finally hearing my name over my music.
“You’re really going to like it at our house, I’m sure our kids will love you,” Charles says.
“Kids?” I ask, “I didn’t know you had any kids.”
“They’re not exactly ours, we adopted them,” Emily says, “I can’t have kids…, I’m sterile, so we decide to adopt.” Emily looks down sadly.
“I’m sorry, Aunt Emily,” I say quietly.
“It’s okay, honey,” she replies still looking sad.



We finally leave Seattle and head deeper into the country. My mother loved the city, she said it would help raise me and teach me things she couldn’t. I never quite believed her but now I think I do. We drive for hours when we finally pull into their driveway. Each side of the drive is covered in a beautiful forest. We pull up to the house; I look at it in shock. The house is a medium-sized white Victorian house with plenty of green acreage around it. Mom never did buy anything expensive. She thought that if she did.  I would always want more so she always made earn every bit of money she gave me or that I needed. That’s also why we didn’t have brand new cars like my aunt and uncle, or a house that looked like this. My uncle parks the car in the garage beside a large red jeep covered in mud. I look at it incredulously.
“Whose car is that?” I ask.
“Which one?” Charles asks.
“The big red jeep,” I answer.
“Oh, that one is Blaze’s, why do you ask?” he asks.
“No reason in particular, it just looks out of place next all of these other cars,” I answer.
“That’s just the way Blaze is,” Charles answers simply.
I follow Charles and Emily into the house. They show me to my room and Charles sets down my suitcase.
“How about a tour of the house, you know, to help get you used to being here,” Charles suggests.
“Alright,” I answer. I follow them through the house, learning every turn and hallway as we walk. We eventually end up in the living room where everyone is sitting, waiting for…well me.
“Hi,” I say timidly. Everyone looks at me and smiles.
“This is Elizabeth, my niece, she will be living here from now on, please introduce yourselves,” Charles says.
“Hi, I’m Cambrie,” a dark red haired girl says standing up and hugging me, “I’m sorry about your mom,” she adds sweetly and quietly.
“Its fine,” I tell her, knowing its not. She looks at me sadly then pulls me down on the couch beside her.
“Hello, I’m Carsyn,” a guy sitting beside Cambrie says smiling.
“Hello,” I answer back quietly wishing I could go to bed. Emily places her hand on my shoulder.
“You seem tired, dear, would you like to go to bed?” she asks sweetly.
“No, its fine, I will in a few minutes, I want to get this over with first,” I answer. She nods but stays standing over me trying to comfort me.
“Hello, I’m Raylee,” a beautiful blonde girl says holding out her hand from across the coffee table in front of me.
“Hello,” I say taking her hand and smiling tiredly.
“I’m Blaze,” a big guy says sitting beside Raylee.
“Hi, you must be the one with the jeep,” I say.
“Yep, that would be mine,” he says smiling widely, “Would you like a ride?”
“No, not at the moment, maybe some other time,” I answer. He answers with a short nod.
“Hello, I’m Caleb,” a gorgeous guy says from beside Blaze.
“Hello,” I answer smiling slightly. He sounds just like Christian. I think to myself.

~flashback~

“Hey Lizzie,” a young boy says.
“What?” a young girl, Lizzie, answers. The boy gently taps the girl on the shoulder and runs off.
“Tag, you’re it,” the boy says laughing and running. Lizzie laughs and runs after the boy.
“Hey, no fair, you run faster,” Lizzie laughs. The boy slows down a little letting the girl catch up. The girl catches the boy and pulls him to the ground. Both children fall to the ground laughing.
“Tag…you’re…it,” Lizzie says between fits of laughter. The children slowly stop laughing.
“Lizzie?” the boy asks.
“Hm?” Lizzie answers.
“Promise you’ll always be my best friend,” the boys says quietly.
“Of course, I will Chris, why wouldn’t I be?” Lizzie asks.
“I don’t know, just wanted to make sure,” the boy, Chris, says sadly.
“What’s wrong?” Lizzie asks worried.
“I think my mom wants to move…away from Dad,” Chris says closing his eyes, turning onto his side away from Lizzie.
“She can’t!” Lizzie says angrily, “You’re the only friend I have.”
“Dad’s been getting more ‘abusive’ lately and she’s scared he’ll ‘hurt’ me,” Chris says a little too quietly for Lizzie to hear.
“Oh…,” Lizzie answers. Then Lizzie grabs Chris by his shoulder and turns him over and sees him crying, “I’m so sorry, Chris, I don’t want you to leave….”Chris looks at Lizzie and slowly reaches up and caresses her face and pulls her into a soft, innocent kiss.

~end flashback~

“Elizabeth?” Emily asks. I look up.
“Sorry,” I answer. Everyone looks at me curiously, “May I go to my room?”
“Of course, honey,” Emily says. I turn to leave.
“Do you want me to walk you to your room?” Caleb asks. I shrug and he follows anyway.
“Are you okay?” he eventually asks.
“Yeah, fine,” I answer automatically.
“No, you’re not,” he answers immediately.
“Whatever,” I answer unconcerned, “Why are you asking, you don’t even know me?”
“You are very easy to read,” he answers, “What were you thinking about after I introduced myself?”
“A friend I used to have,” I say almost crying.
“Just a friend…hm?” he says, hearing the catch in my voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now…it’ll only make me depressed,” I answer walking a little faster. He easily keeps up with my pace. We finally reach my room.
“Thank you,” I say and enter my room and collapse on my bed crying.


Knock Knock
“Elizabeth, dear, are you hungry?” Emily asks, “I’ll bring you something up, if you want.”
“No, I’m fine, I’ll come down later and get something,” I answer. I hear Emily’s footsteps leave the hallway. I lay on my bed, curled up not wanting to leave the sanctuary of my new room.

Knock Knock

“May I come in?” Charles asks gently. I don’t answer. I hear the door open quietly. Charles sits on my bed next to me.
“Emily is very worried about you,” he says not expecting an answer. Unsurprisingly I remain quiet.
“She knows you’re upset, she understands…,” he continues. He sighs, “She doesn’t know what to do…she wants you to be happy and she knows that you won’t ever be completely happy…but she also knows that you need to grieve…otherwise you’ll never get completely over it…she just…,” he sighs again, “She just wants to know what you need to help you at least try to get over your mother’s death a little.” He waits. He gets up and walks toward the door.
“I just want to be alone for a little bit, okay?” I finally say.
“Alright,” he says as he leaves.



I stay in my room for awhile longer, and then I finally decide to go get some food. When I reach the kitchen, Emily looks up from the table and smiles a little. Her eyes are red and swollen slightly from crying.
“I’m sorry for being pushy,” she says, her voice scratching a little.
“No, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have been such a hermit,” I answer consolingly. She smiles, and then sighs. I walk toward the refrigerator and open the door.
“Hungry?” she asks finally. I nod.
“There’s some food in the micro-wave for you,” she says. I open the small microwave and take out the food.
“Thank you,” I say quietly sitting down across from her to eat. She smiles at me.
“I understand what your going through, I lost my mother when I was young,” she says sweetly, “I was a couple years younger than you are now, she died from lung cancer…heh…she got it from my father, he would smoke all the time…it’s funny how he lived and died of old age, but not my mother, who never smoked a single thing in her entire life.” She sighs, “I never really forgave my father for ‘killing her’, as I used to yell at him whenever we were in a fight about something.” She pauses as if she’s trying to remember the rest of the story. Finally she starts again, “I always thought that it would be a bad example to cry about mother in front of my younger siblings…,so I never did, never forgave father…I know I won’t completely get over it, but hopefully I won’t be bitter toward my father,” she says quietly, staring out the window above the sink. She eventually turns toward me and smiles gently, “You’ll never completely forgive the man that killed your mother, but I doubt your mother would want you to be bitter and mean toward the man…so take as much time as you need and remember its okay to cry.” Emily gets up and puts the brown mug she was holding in the sink. Then she quietly leaves the room.
I sit in the kitchen alone for awhile. It’s quiet…too quiet. I start to get up to leave and go to my room when Caleb walks in. He’s carrying a handful of dishes. He smiles when he sees me.
“How are you doing?” he asks.
“Fine, I guess,” I answer. He continues walking to the sink and proceeds to wash the dishes in his hands. I stay in my chair liking the new company. I start to eat listening to the clank of dishes coming form the sink.
Eventually Caleb finishes the dishes and sits down in front of me.
“You going to school next week?” he asks.
“I don’t know…maybe,” I answer.
“I think you should,” he says simply.
“Why?” I ask.
“It’ll help, he answers, “I know you don’t have many friends here.”
“Help what?” I ask angrily, “Help me realize I’m alone?”
“No, help you realize that you need friends and that you’re not alone, he answers calmly. He reaches across the table and places his hand on mine. “I used to be like you, I lost my mother, too. She died when I was ten of pneumonia. She already had a weak immune system, so when she got it, she couldn’t fight it off.” Caleb looks down at the table and sighs. “If you need or want to talk, you can come to me, I’m willing to listen,” he says looking directly at me. I look down and notice that his hand is still on mine. I quickly pull my hand out of his reach. He smiles and I blush a little. His smile gets bigger when he sees the pink on my cheeks. I look down and start to eat again. He reminds me so much of Christian. I sigh sadly.
“What’s wrong?” Caleb asks concerned.
“Nothing, just remembering an old friend,” I answer.
“Who?” he asks gently. I sigh and don’t reply. “Don’t want to talk about it?” he asks after a few silent moments. I nod. “Promise to talk about it sometime?” he asks smiling slightly.
“Sure,” I say half joking. Maybe I will tell him sometime. I finally finish eating and start to get up to take my dishes to the sink.
“Let me take them," Caleb says taking them from my hands.
“Um…thanks,” I say. He quickly puts the dishes in the sink. I start to leave the room when I hear a knock on the front door. I head into the foyer with Caleb close behind me. When we reach the foyer, Charles answers the door. A tall young Native American boy walks in followed by an older man in a wheel chair.
“Hello, Jacob,” Charles says in greeting. “Welcome, Mr. Redbird," he nods toward the man in the wheel chair.
“Please, call me Billy,” the old man says.
“Of course,” Charles answers politely. Blaze enters the foyer from the stairs.
“Sup, Jake?” he asks the tall boy. “Here for football?” Blaze laughs.
“Yep,” Jake says, “Why else would I come to this filthy house?” Jake sweeps his arms around the spotless room. Both Blaze and Jake burst out laughing. They both leave laughing. Billy watches Jake leave the room and finally notices me.
“Ah…I see you have company,” he says smiling brightly at me.
“She has just recently moved her from Seattle,” Charles informs Billy. Billy faces Charles.
“Who would move from the beautiful city of Seattle?” he says chuckling. My eyes water and I look toward the floor. Caleb notices my slight mood change and steps closer to me.
“She’s recently lost her mother due to a car accident,” Charles states sadly, “My younger sister.”
“Oh…I’m so sorry dear,” Billy says. He moves toward me and takes my hand, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dredge up bad memories. I understand what its like to lose a loved one.”
“It’s okay, I only went to her funeral today, and I’ve already been in a crappy mood. I didn’t mean to ruin your mood,” I tell him.
“No need to apologize,” he replies patting my hand. I smile at him. He smiles back at me.
“Now,” he says, “I’m going to join my grandson and watch some football.” He leaves the room and a few moments later I hear the NFL theme song coming form the living room. Another moment later there are a few raps on the door. Charles walks to the door and opens it. Standing in the doorway is an older man and a young girl about my age.
“Hello, Mr. Hawkins,” Charles says. “Trinity,” he says nodding to the girl.
“Hello, Mr. Stevenson,” the girl says. “Dad dragged me here so he could see Billy and watch football,” she says rolling her eyes. Charles laughs.
“Hey, you wanted to come too,” the older man says. Trinity laughs.
“TRINITY!!” Cambrie says running down the stairs. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she pulls Trinity into a big hug.
“Hey Cammy, how have you been?” Trinity asks hugging back.
“Good,” Cambrie says, “Have fun in Phoenix?”
“Yeah, Mom wanted me to meet her new husband,” Trinity replies, “He’s kind of cool.”
“That’s good. So you want to get out of here and go shopping?” Cambrie asks.
“Yeah, I guess. But you know how much I just love shopping,” Trinity says unenthusiastically. Cambrie laughs.
“Well, I’m going to go watch the Lions get their asses handed to them by the Colts,” Trinity’s dad says. “So have fun.” Trinity’s dad turns and hugs Trinity.
“I will Dad, first I want to say hi to Jake,” Trinity replies hugging her father.
“Okay,” he answers. Trinity’s dad walks toward the living room with Trinity following. Emily enters the foyer.
“Hello, Richard,” Emily greets politely, “How have you been?”
“Been doing fine, thank you,” Richard says smiling. Richards leaves the foyer and joins in the yells and groans coming from the living room.
“Hello, Trinity. Did you enjoy Phoenix?” Emily asks.
“Phoenix was great. Mom wants me to stay there with her and her new ‘hubby’. But I like it here, so I told her I wanted to stay,” Trinity replies. Cambrie laughs.
“Only because Jake is here,” Cambrie say giggling.
“It’s not just Jake,” Trinity says rolling her eyes, “You’re here too.” Trinity and Cambrie laugh.
“Well hurry up and says hi to your boo so we can go shopping,” Cambrie says.
“Yeah, sure,” Trinity says. Trinity leaves the room.
“You know she’s not going to hurry, right Cambrie?” Caleb says.
“Yeah, I know,” Cambrie says, and then enters the living room. I turn to leave and go to my room. When I get to the stairs I change my mind when I see Caleb enter the living room. So I follow a little ways behind.
“Sup, Caleb?” Blaze asks, “You usually don’t like to watch football.”
“Nothing else better to do, besides you all are hogging the TV,” Caleb answers sitting on the empty love seat. Caleb sees me enter the living room. “I thought you were going to your room?”
“I was, but I changed my mind,” I answer, “Besides I happen to like football and my favorite team is playing. Might as well watch.” I notice that the only empty seat is next to Caleb on the love seat. He notices too and gently pats the seat next to him. I walk in front of the TV and stop.
“HEY!!” Blaze says, “Move out of the way!” I laugh. I see Caleb smile.
“Why should I?” I ask, “Your team is losing anyway.” I laugh more. Jake and Richard laugh.
“So?” Blaze asks, “I still want to see the TV.”
“Make me,” I say laughing. Blaze reaches and grabs the remote and throws it at me. I quickly dodge the projectile and sit beside Caleb. Jake and Richard are still laughing.
“So, Caleb?” Jake asks, “Get a new girlfriend?” He looks at me.
“No. She just moved here because her mother was killed and this is closest place to move to finish school,” Caleb informs.
“Oh…,” Jake blushes a little, “I’m so sorry.”
“Its fine,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry, too,” Richard says. I smile at him.
“Thank you for your concern,” I answer, “To both of you.” They both nod and continue watching the game. I cross my legs in the chair and join in the playful banter of a football game. Soon, Trinity enters the living room. Immediately Jake sees her and gets up to hug her.
“How was your trip?” he asks.
“Good. Mom wanted me to stay there with her new husband, but I told her I wanted to stay here in Forks,” she says hugging Jake.
“Cool,” Jake says, “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” Trinity replies, “I wish you could’ve gone with me. It probably would’ve been more fun with you there.” Jake smiles
“Yeah, probably,” He answers simply. Jake gently kisses Trinity getting whoops from Blaze and a slight glare from Richard. Trinity blushes. Jake sees Richard looking at him.
“Sorry, sir,” he says blushing a tiny bit.
“Be nice to the boy, Rick,” Billy says. Immediately Richard smiles.
“It’s okay, son, at least you respect my daughter enough to not ‘make out’ with her in public,” Richard says, “And she has been gone for awhile, so I guess it’s okay.” Richard turns his attention back to the TV.
“I’m going to let you enjoy your game,” Trinity says leaving.
“Where are you going?” Jake asks.
“Cammy wants to take me shopping, since she probably hasn’t been since I left,” Trinity answers.
“Okay,” Jake says a little sad, “Will I see you later?”
“Yes, definitely,” she answers. Jake kisses her quickly and she leaves.



After a couple of hours, the game comes to an end leaving us all in laughter.
“See I told you the Lions suck,” Jake says to Blaze. Blaze just rolls his eyes.
“No they don’t…they-they were just having a bad day,” Blaze says.
“Yeah, whatever,” Jake replies. Richard looks at his watch and his eyes widen.
“It’s kind of late, I better get going. I have to go into work early tomorrow,” Richard says walking into the foyer, “I’ll see you all later.” He walks out the front door. Then he comes back in.
“Could you tell Trinity that I went home and that she can spend the night here, if she wants,” Richard says. Then finally leaves.
“Sure thing, Mr. Hawkins,” Blaze says.
“We better be leaving too, Jake,” Billy says.
“Alright,” Jake says, “Tell Trinity to call me when she gets the chance.”
“Okay,” Blaze says. Billy and Jake wave their goodbyes and leave. I yawn and head up the stairs. Caleb follows me.
“Care if I walk you to your room?” he asks. I shake my head. “You have a beautiful smile,” he says catching me off guard. I blush.
“Th-thanks,” I stammer.
“And a wonderful laugh,” he adds. I blush more. He laughs.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he answers quickly, still smiling.
We finally reach my bedroom.
“Thanks for the company,” I say, “But I think I can handle the rest.”
“You sure?” he asks “I can help you with anything,” he adds laughing. I laugh.
“No, I think I can handle it,” I say, still laughing a little. He gently places his hand on my cheek. I breathe deeply, taking in his smell.
“Well, good night, Liz,” he says, “Sweet dreams.”
“Good night,” I answer, “You, too.” He slowly walks down the hall toward his room. I sigh.